Tags
anger, asshole, betrayed, change, disapointment, double standards, drama, egg shells, insecurity, leaving, resentment, trust, untrusworthy
I hate this…
I hate being back to having to live my life watching my back. I’m back to playing the ‘what if’ game. I mean who lives like that? What kind of guy puts a woman through that time and time again? Yea…it’s my fault that I’ve let him do it so many times I got that…I do…but how can someone tell you they love you one second and then walk out on you the next? Don’t get me wrong he’s still home but since his last fit I’m back to insecurity and not trusting him. I think about making ‘what if’ plans and what I’m willing to give up not going to get him again. FFS I’m so sick of this feeling. I have cried the last few days because of feeling so hurt and betrayed what does he do? Acts like a jerk at every turn.
Oooh so you’re going to escalate a tiff (yes a mere ‘tiff’) and then be a dick not wanting to fix it (by way of ‘decent’ communication…I think that it’s still called talking is it not?) so you can walk out?
What a douche bag. Thanks for putting me back in this place and causing me to once again feel this way about you. Walk on eggshells way of life. Hurting my heart AGAIN.
Yes Jekyll I’m calling you a douche bag. So nice that you have decided to go back to being one after being a decent ““normal”” husband for 7 months.
Someone please tell me how one cannot feel remorse for hurting their wife like that? Not feel remorse for screaming at her?…wtf?
I have to admit even the last few fights he’s stopped apologizing altogether unless I ask for it. So he’s back to not accepting his responsibility in the shit. Nice. Surprise surprise.
Well, my heart has been hardening on this matter. What’s it going to matter if he walks out? It’s time to let the lake house go…leave the job I just don’t care for anymore…and finally move to my happy place. I may eat out of tuna cans but I will definitely FINALLY be surrounded by people who do love me. All the family I have are my two kids and well…they are far to busy to spend time with me or include me in their lives.
In other words…if he bails…ultimately I will bail too…I have the right to start over at any age I want. And go where I want and BE who I want.
I’m a survivor…I’m smart and I can play my cards right to take care of myself and get where I’m intending to be. It may take awhile…but I can indeed do it.
You see? See my way of thinking? Is this right? Is this what a wife should be thinking???? Preparing for?? And why is this? Because that’s what happens when you live with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He’s all fucked up so he fucks up everything and everyone around him…including himself.
Why he chooses death over life is beyond me.
~Stella
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